This year, please let the bitch stay dead.
P.S. A white PVC bra would not go unappreciated.
Yo, Jolly Red Fatman!
I’ve been totally good this year. I’ve slung webs, saved cats from trees and not once did I whiplash my GF to death. So, I’m hoping we can cut a deal and you can sort me out with some octopus poison. Not a lot, just enough to bring down a six foot, 200lbs-er. That’ll be plenty. It should come in real handy ‘round about March.
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man
Let’s get down to it. There hasn’t been a decent episode of Star Trek since 54858.4. So this year I want you to break the prime directive, undo Enterprise and make a series that won’t have me spinning in my grave. It makes me dizzier than a Pakled on a merry-go-round. Also, if you could see your way to giving JJ Abrams a toy rocket and a pony, I’d be much obliged.
Live long and prosper,
YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
ALSO, WE WOULD LIKE 100 MILLION LITRES OF BRASSO!
Dan Harmon and The Cast of Community
Dear Mr. Claus,
May I call you Santa? No, I think I’m more comforatble with Mr. Claus. Mr. Claus, this year I would like, if it’s not too much of an inconvenience, the following:
1) An increase of the Parks Department budget by 15%. I need not tell you that Pawnee’s Parks Department is in dire need of increased funding. If you are unable to produce the funding personally, might I suggest that you redirect some/most/all of the Library budget.
2) New legislation permitting relationships within local government offices. As it stands, I feel the current regulations are judgemental and stupid.
3) a 16oz steak for Ron Swanson.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these matters.
P.S. Please send April Ludgate a unicorn and a house on the moon. She is the most talented and pretty lady on the planet. Way prettier than me.
Thank you for my present last year. A huge franchise movie, along with two smaller projects were exactly what I wanted. This year I’d like for the FOX empire to crumble and for their executives in charge of programming to know the sting of a thousand tiny paper cuts. If you could see your way to it a few more Avengers movies would be nice along with a triumphant return to TV. Also, if that Buffy reboot goes ahead I’m killing you off.
I’ve been a real good girl this year. I hardly killed nobody. Could you please, please, please bring me an extra special Christmas puddin’. All I want is my Mr. J and a nice big roast bat for him to carve. Also, if you have time, please bring Ivy some fertiliser and Selina a scratching post.
Love and Kisses,