The 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards was, well, all right actually. It was uneventful and it was a little bit cringy at times. It was a regular ol’ paint-by-numbers awards ceremony. However, before we go on to discuss the winners and losers, I must say this:
Why should Modern Family get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of ’em try not to get smushed under its big feet? What’s so great about Modern Family? Hm? Community is just as funny as Modern Family. Parks and Recreation is just as smart as Modern Family. People totally like Parks and Recreation and Community just as much as they like Modern Family. And when did it become okay for one show to be the boss of all the awards, huh? Because that’s not what Awards Night is about. WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB MODERN FAMILY!
Disclaimer: I love Modern Family and I watch it every week. And it totally deserved its win for Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical. But for Parks and Recreation and Community to be snubbed for a nomination every year, and for Glee and New Girl to secure nominations like that is just, well, unforgivable.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical went to Laura Dern for Enlightened. Laura’s speech was nice and she seemed lovely. Amy Poehler was robbed. ROBBED. I must also point out that Zooey Deschanel secured a nomination (is she really the best thing about New Girl?) while Alison Brie was left completely empty handed (not even a stinking nomination!) for her above-and-beyond-fantastic role as Annie in Community. Furthermore, if Zooey Deschanel is deserving of recognition like that, where has Kaley Cuoco’s nomination been for the last few years?
Homeland was a big winner in the Television Drama category with wins in Best Television Series – Drama and Claire Danes took the gong for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama too. Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama went to 3-time winner Kelsey Grammer for Boss – a show about a a mayor of Chicago with a degenerative neurological disorder. Does that premise sound like something else? The West Wing perhaps? Hmm. Anyway, it’s Grammer’s first Golden Globe for a dramatic role so congrats, Kelsey.
Matt LeBlanc won Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical for Episodes. Matt’s acceptance speech was really sweet – he seemed genuinely surprised and was incredibly nervous. I think that category could do with cutting Alec Baldwin’s permanent nomination (are they actually serious after all these years?) and perhaps adding Nick Offerman for Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation.
The Best Performance by an Actor/Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television category is absolutely ridiculous. It’s like some hodgepodge category they came up with when they ran out of space for them but has lots of options left. It’s the Platypus* of award categories and it pretty much needs to change. At this point, with so much talent having to be lumped in one category, you’re left with deserved nominations and wins left out everywhere. Oh yeah, Jessica Lange won for American Horror Story and Peter Dinklage won for Game of Thrones.
Downton Abbey won Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Kate Winslet won Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television for Mildred Pierce and Idris Elba won the male equivalent for Luther.
The big winners in the Movie categories were The Artist (Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical, Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical for Jean Dujardin and Best Original Score – Motion Picture for Ludovic Bource) and The Descendants (Best Motion Picture – Drama, and Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama for George Clooney). Deserved, I say.
Michelle Williams picked up the gong for Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical for her role as Marilyn Monroe in My Week With Marilyn. If anyone can prove to me that it was a comedy or musical, I’ll eat my own face. Also, just FYI Michelle Williams, next time you’re accepting an award DO NOT TALK TO THE CAMERA ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER!! *heartbreaking Dawson’s Creek flashbacks*.
Meryl Streep picked up Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama for The Iron Lady. Viola Davis should have won. But when you’re up against Meryl, you’re more than likely going to lose. She forgot her glasses so couldn’t read her speech so she made it up. It was funny… ish. And then she got told to finish up by the crappy muzak. You DO NOT play Meryl Streep off with crappy muzak.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture went to Octavia Spencer for The Help. Possibly the most deserved win of the night. And everyone there knew it as they all clapped, some stood and Melissa McCarthy was brought to tears by Octavia’s lovely speech. Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture was Christopher Plummer’s for the taking. What a legend.
Martin Scorcese won Best Director – Motion Picture for the fabulous Hugo (he’s such a teeny-tiny man) while Woody Allen took Best Screenplay – Motion Picture for one of our favourites, Midnight in Paris. And finally, Madonna won Best Original Song – Motion Picture for “Masterpiece” from W.E. that crappy piece of crap she directed. Yep, directed. Again. As if Filth and Wisom wasn’t bad enough, she went and tried again. Stick to the music, Madge.
There you have it. To the Golden Globes I say, “Cut down the names of the categories. They’re ridiculous!”.
The full list of winners is below. I’ve cut the category names down as much as I can.
* The Platypus is an egg-laying, electric, poisonous, duck-billed, otter-footed mammal. Try and tell me evolution made that!
Best Comedy or Musical
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Best Actor – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Best Actor – Comedy or Musical
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Best Actress in a Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Best Actress – Comedy or Musical
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Best Supporting Actor
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Best Supporting Actress
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Midnight in Paris, Woody Allen
Best Animated Film
The Adventures of TinTin
The Artist – Ludovic Bource
Best Original Song
“Masterpiece” – Madonna
Best Foreign Language Film
A Separation, Iran
Cecil B. DeMille Award
Best Series – Comedy or Musical
Best Series – Drama
Best Actor – Drama
Kelsey Grammer, Boss
Best Actor – Musical or Comedy
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Best Actress – Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland
Best Actress – Musical or Comedy
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Best Actor – TV Movie
Idris Elba, Luther
Best Actress – TV Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Best Supporting Actor
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Best Supporting Actress
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story